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The online dating revolution started more than a decade ago with numerous success stories emerging month after month.
However, despite all the happily ever afters, there is still a lot of stigma and criticism of internet romance. Skeptics simply do not think that you can find love on a dating app with the few success stories dismissed as flukes.
A number of free lesbian dating apps and more apps with queer-friendly settings are making sure that finding love (or sex) is a fun, safe process for people of every sexual orientation. With dating apps like Bumble, OKCupid, PlentyOfFish, and Tinder connecting with someone online is more convenient and complicated than ever. Below I've compiled 6 things to look out for when 6 Things to Look Out For When Online Dating - One Love Foundation.
Are they right?
Is online dating a huge waste of time with no chances of success? Or is it the key to finding a crush vs love in a day and age where life seems to be in fast-forward mode?
Below is all you need to know about the skeptics’ points of view and why they are so tragically wrong.
To be honest, claims made by critics against online dating are not entirely without merit.
What makes online dating so hard?
Online dating is hard and has a significant failure rate.
Why?
Because as with offline relationships, online ones have their fair share of setbacks as well. And these setbacks make it difficult for people to succeed in finding love online and forming lasting relationships.
5 online dating challenges to overcome when looking for true love on dating apps:
It takes time to find the perfect match
The internet might make it easy to find connections quickly, but this is not a guarantee that it will be a perfect match.
This is one of the most frustrating things about online dating! You think you have escaped the long wait only to find yourself draining yourself of the very last drops of patience trying to find that right person for you.
It is basically like a long-distance relationship
Another major challenge that affects the success of online dating is distance. People often underestimate the power of physical contact in relationships, especially with mobile dating apps such as this 100% free online dating site.
Flirty texts and hour-long phone calls can only sustain your relationship so long. If you do not invest in getting to know each other offline and in person, the chances are that your relationship might not survive the distance.
It is a new concept we are still getting used to
Online dating might be a few decades old, but we still haven’t gotten the hang of it.
What is acceptable or unacceptable? What is your role? There are so many unanswered questions about this mystery, and uncertainty contributes to the skeptics’ case.
The fact that there seems to be no protocol or definite way of doing things limits the chances of success with online dating.
Maybe you have a direct style and would prefer to go straight into asking someone out than wasting time with small talk. If your matches do not feel that this is how online dating should work, then you will have problems.
This is just an example from many other discrepancies in people’s opinions of exactly how the process should work. And the differences do not exactly make match-finding easier.
Too many people are in it for casual flings
This is a challenge that people who are looking for serious long-term relationships face. Many online dating services have become platforms for casual hookups or men looking to have an affair with an older woman.
It is not what they were designed for, but it is definitely what people have turned them into. So, you might be in for a rude shock if you go to some of these websites looking for a lifelong partner.
The cognitive overload phenomenon
Have you ever gone to the supermarket and found yourself stuck in one aisle because you couldn’t decide which of the two cereal brands to pick? Yeah, that is exactly what online dating is like, only on a larger scale!
Having options is a great thing. However, it can also be the reason why you aren’t finding love online.
Having so many profiles to browse and people to choose from could overload your brain. This makes it hard to form real connections as you are always distracted and wondering whether there is someone better out there.
Overcoming the challenges – how to find love online
So far, one thing is clear – online dating is hard. However, this does not in any way mean that you cannot really find love on these platforms. The good news is that to every argument made by skeptics, there is an effective solution.
Below are a few tips that should help you get the most out of these dating apps and help you find your true love.
Know what you want and be clear about it
Defining the desired nature of the relationship you are looking for is very important. There is nothing wrong with wanting a casual fling. There is also nothing wrong with wanting the real deal with a successful offline relationship and the whole package.
You need to be confident in your choices and also ready to share your expectations with anyone you are interested in.
Being honest about this is the best way to ensure that you not only get what you want but also avoid disappointment. It also helps you narrow down to sites that will offer you exactly what you want.
Use recent and realistic photos of yourself
There is a lot of trust involved in making online dating work. The last thing you want to do is start things off disingenuously.
First impressions matter a lot on these sites, and they tend to last. And like it or not, what people see on your profile picture is a huge part of that.
So take the “what you see is what you get” approach and make the photos flattering but realistic and, most importantly, real.
Put some thought into writing your bio
If you have ever tried online dating, you know how real the concept of “plenty of fish in the sea” is on different platforms. You are not the only good looking one on there, so photos alone will not help you stand out.
Your personality could be what makes the difference between mindless matching and true intrigue. And the latter is exactly what you want if true love is your end goal. You have to get them curious to get to know more, and a catchy bio is the best way to do it.
Stay open-minded
We all have our types, whether it is a specific hair color and aesthetic or even a personality style. If you want online dating to work for you in terms of a long term commitment, you will have to throw that checklist out of the window and go in with an open mind.
There are all sorts of awesome people on these platforms. So give them a chance. You don’t have to try and match with everyone on the site. But if someone catches your eye, you shouldn’t dismiss them because they don’t meet a certain expectation.
Look for red flags
Things will be fantastic at first as you get to know each other. However, you should not let the rose-colored glasses blind you.
Don’t forget that this is an absolute stranger you are dealing with. Therefore, constant vigilance is a must if you want to protect your heart.
Keep your eyes peeled for red flags and run when you spot them.
Don’t stick to only one match
Another tip if you’re trying to figure out how to find love online is to diversify. There is always the temptation with online dating to fall for the first person who gives you real attention. This happens a lot, especially if you haven’t been having any luck with love in the real world.
The best thing to do is play the field and get a better idea of what is out there. Get to know more people and figure out what you do and do not like.
However, don’t let this go on too long as it could hinder your ability to form genuine connections.
Stay active
If you really want to find true love online, then you have to commit to the process. You cannot just set up your profile and expect fate to do the rest.
You need to be active on the platform, match with as many profiles that stand out as possible, and actually make efforts to interact with them. You also need to log in and switch things up on your profile regularly.
This will help you beat the algorithm and increase your visibility, and with it, your chances of finding awesome matches.
Be patient
Love takes time. It doesn’t matter whether you met on a mainstream site, on a vegan dating site, or at the local library.
Patience allows you to take your time getting to know people you met online. Get to know who they are, what they like, and whether you would like to date them in real life. That way, you will not pressure yourself or rush into settling with someone who will not make you happy.
Use intelligent matchmaking
This will help solve the cognitive overload problem. If you are tired of being spoilt for choice, then consider online dating apps and websites with intelligent matchmaking services like the dating sites reviewed by DatingInspector.
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These matchmaking services narrow things down for you, allowing you to interact with singles who would most likely be your perfect match. Most of these services require you to fill out forms and personality test sheets to make their job easier and more successful.
Move things offline as soon as possible
Online dating creates a kind of safe bubble that can make you and your love interest complacent. It also, unfortunately, does not always paint a complete picture of what you are going to be dealing with.
Therefore, planning offline dates as soon as possible is a great way to move things in the right direction. Just make sure to choose a public activity for your safety and something you both share an interest in to avoid awkwardness.
So, can you find your love on dating apps?
The answer is YES in all caps, highlighted and underlined. You can and will find true love on dating sites.
All you have to do is be smart about your approach. Figure out what you want, put yourself out there, and be patient as your online cupids work their magic.
Written by Writer’s Corps member Cara MacklerWhen you’re too busy to go out but you’re ready to meet someone new, online dating can be the perfect change of pace. We live in a digital world, so it makes sense that we’re starting to date in one, too. Having navigated my fair share of cheesy pick-up lines and bad dates, I know from experience that online dating can be just as complicated as dating IRL. With dating apps like Bumble, OKCupid, PlentyOfFish, and Tinder connecting with someone online is more convenient and complicated than ever.
Below I’ve compiled 6 things to look out for when online dating:
1. They Barely Fill Out their Profile
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An online profile creates a quick and easy place to highlight splices of someone’s life and personality. You can display your hobbies, interests, pastimes, friends, or family if you want to.
While judgment can be an unfortunate result of the quick swipe-left-or-swipe-right decision, try to look at what they are choosing to highlight about their personality through their profile picture. Are they showing off that they can rock a keg stand or that they traveled to Fiji and swam with stingrays? I’m not saying you should write someone off completely if their profile isn’t exactly well-rounded, but you can use their profile as a tool to determine if you have anything in common or if something beyond their looks intrigues you.
2. They Use Raunchy Pick-Up Lines
If you look at Tinder Nightmares, you’ll entertain yourself for hours reading through many people’s failed attempts to grab someone’s attention with a raunchy or peculiar pick-up line. Although this is entertaining for us, it’s not as entertaining if you’re the one receiving the uncomfortable and violating messages from online trolls.
How someone initiates a conversation with you will say a lot about how they view you as a person and how they might treat you as a partner. Did they comment on your body in a sexual manner or did they ask you what breed your cute dog is in your picture? You may get your fair share of cheesy pick-up lines, some can be endearing and charming while others can be crude and demeaning. Humor can be a wonderful icebreaker, but also remember you are worth more than a lame pick up line. Someone who truly wants to get to know you will take the time to do so.
3. They Are Controlling
After the initial ice breaker conversation, what does the rest of the conversation look like? It’s always a good idea to test the waters before agreeing to meet this person IRL. Your first few conversations with someone new should be easy going. If someone is coming on really strong right away, or they pressure you to meet in person before you’re ready, feel free to pump the breaks and set some boundaries. If they don’t respect those boundaries, then they aren’t respecting you.
Additionally, if someone is giving you a checklist right away of all of the things they want in a future partner, this may be a red flag for some controlling behaviors. It’s one thing if they express their non-negotiables but it’s another thing entirely if they are listing required traits. In a healthy relationship, you should feel free to be you. If you feel like someone is already trying to change things about you to suit their needs, that’s not okay.
4. They Are Mysterious
Online dating leaves a lot up to mystery, which can be alluring and exciting to some but may also be a warning sign that you’re not getting the whole truth.
My friend agreed to go out with someone she met online and they had a really great time together. They got dinner and talked for hours, and it was overall a very nice date. She was excited to see him again and he seemed just as excited. They made plans to go out again, but he canceled last minute, saying his cat had died. After giving him some time to cope with his cat passing away, he made plans to see her again and she was thrilled. He canceled the date last minute again because he said his grandma had died. Although this seemed too tragic to be true, she gave him the benefit of the doubt that he was telling the truth. He disappeared for a couple of weeks.
When he finally reached out again, she agreed to go out with him and they had yet another wonderful date. At the end of the date, they took a cab back to his apartment. As my friend stepped out of the cab, a girl walked up to her shouting. Surprised and confused, my friend asked her what was going on. It turns out this girl was the girlfriend of the guy my friend was currently on a date with.
Looking back more closely at their conversations, it seemed more and more obvious that the signs of him lying and manipulating were there all along. He would only text at certain times of the day, he would disappear for days on end, and he used excuse after excuse to delay each date to assure his girlfriend would not be around. Moral of the story: mystery can be fun but it can also be a sign that someone is hiding something. Trust your instincts.
5. They Are Demanding
First dates with someone you’ve met online are basically blind dates. You don’t really know if this person is who they say they are until you’ve met in person. This is why having a date in a public place not only keeps you safe but gives you an out in case you aren’t really feeling it.
First impressions can be revealing. You can really get to know a lot about someone on a first date, and it’s actually possible to detect some red flags for unhealthy behaviors even in the very beginning. One example is if they are making demands early on, maybe to meet or hang out at their place rather than go out somewhere together. Another example could be if they expect you to change your schedule just to accommodate theirs, or to cancel existing plans to meet them. These types of behaviors can be the beginning of other controlling behaviors.
First dates should be exciting and flirtatious. It’s about those thrilling moments of connection and chemistry that keep you smiling all day long. This person should make you feel special, respected, and valued. If there’s even a hint of controlling, possessive, disrespectful or otherwise unhealthy behaviors, it’s likely that behavior is not going to go away.
6. Signal for Help
Most importantly, your safety is the number one priority. Always meet in a public place for the first couple of dates. If someone is pressuring you to meet somewhere private for a first date, this could be uncomfortable and leave you feeling trapped if you’re not enjoying the date. Pick a place that you’re familiar with and have been before or a place where you can easily head home if things are going south.
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If you are going somewhere that serves alcoholic beverages, most bartenders are using secret codes to help customers signal, privately, when they need help if they’re getting harassed or feeling unsafe on a bad date. Another way to stay safe is to tell a friend, or multiple friends, when and where you are going out. Have them call you at a certain point throughout the date and if the date is not going well, use the phone call as an out. And remember, if you are ever abused or assaulted while on a date, it is not your fault and you can get help.
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Online dating is the new way to date for many people. Like any other part of technology, it has its pros and cons. Keeping your safety a priority, online dating should be fun! So, enjoy it and hopefully, you’ll find your Tinderella story.